Take Me Now, Jesus

Faffing-About Creed

Jukebox Hero

I'd like to dedicate this update to Lauren B. Dawson a.k.a. LD a.k.a L-bow a.k.a The Creek. Her blog has recently exploded with growth of every kind, and so, she has seen fit to pester me for a new update. I consider this an odd request, mainly because in order to view my blog, she must use up her precious GIGABYTES to view the site (something which she has complained about several times). So LBD, here's to you.

I would like to take a personal wellness moment and declare openly, for the very first time, that I have the number three (3) score in the world on the drums for Coheed and Cambria's "Welcome Home" on Rock Band. There are several people I would like to thank. First, my father for purchasing my first drum set when I was 13. Second, I would like to thank Claudio Sanchez for making good music, and thirdly, I would like to thank the drummer whose work I have admired for some time. I also have the number six (6) high score on "Reptilia" by the Strokes. As you can see, I am proud of these accomplishments. Do not mock me. As far as total score goes, I'm still number 260-something, but I haven't finished all of them on Hard or Expert yet. There is a song or two in the last group that is balls-hard on the drums on both difficulties, plus there are a few bonus tracks I haven't beaten yet. (I love the song "I'm So Sick" by Flyleaf, though I know that all of you will most likely hate it. I know John did when we played it at his place. Her voice is great.)

I am proud to say that I've also begun playing guitar on Expert. I am about halfway through on that difficulty after beating most of them on Hard. I have never really been able to play Hard, let along Expert. I chock this up to the fact that RB is supposed to be easier than GH (or so I hear). But I think I like this. I like actually being able to play the songs. And I am obsessed with "When You Were Young" by the Killers. Shelley, you know how each GH game has come with that one song that you must play every time you pick up the guitar? Like "More Than a Feeling" for GH. The Killers' song is that song for me with Rock Band.

I beat Assassin's Creed. I loved every minute of it, and now I have to wait two years for a god-damned sequel. It's like with television, only worse. Because with Lost or The Office, I only have to wait a summer or six months until the next season. With this game, I'll presumably have to wait at least two years before the next one comes out. Let's hope that since the engine is already complete and (largely) error-free, they'll be able to pound the next one out in a year or so.

I have an interview on Monday with Schlumberger with an evening presentation the preceding Sunday evening. This sounds like an interesting position, but it would seem like I might have to wear a hard hat and steel-toed boots while I walk around examining oil wells and drilling/exploration devices. Plus, there is a small chance I could end up in Malaysia or Nigeria for seven to twelve months. I think I am excited by these things, but I am not totally sure.

Some girl from EMC has been contacting me lately about a position in Bellevue, WA. It sounds pretty exciting. I think now she is forwarding my resumé onto her manager, who will review it and make the decision to fly me out to Washington for the interview. If I get the job, it's 8 months of paid training in Massachusetts before returning to Bellevue. I'll be basically going from business to business installing EMC's data management systems, which seems like fun. Interacting with people, software. No problem.

My dad has an unhealthy obsession with that Dr. Pepper commercial involving the large African-American football player who scores his first touchdown and proceeds to perform a very long, very scandalous touchdown dance. Without fail, when the young man flips onto his face, and picks it up from the turf to offer the audience a comical smile, my father will crack up laughing. Sometimes, this laughter will commence far in advance of said head-pick-up. I do not understand this.

I saw No Country for Old Men, and I saw American Gangster. If King of Kong had not come out this year, I would have to say that NCfOM is the movie of the year. As that crown has been claimed already, it will have to settle for second place. But it's still a fantastic film. The dialogue is great, as is the action and the suspense. Of course, the Golden Compass comes out in a week and a half, which may vie for MOVIE OF THE GALAXY status. I guess we'll have to see.

"I have a contract with the child."

The Future is Now

HP unveiled a new gaming machine prototype back in April. Here is a video of it in action. After watching this, you might want to check out this site to get a feel for what it really does. Basically, it utilizes GPS and other new technologies to turn your surroundings into a video game or Mediascape.

One (simple) example that I've uncovered so far is a Whack-a-Mole game. You run around a field searching for these mole holes and then you have to stomp on them to get points. Mind blown.

Oh No

Guitar Hero III will annihilate you.

The End of the World

Parental Control is the greatest show ever to air on MTV, which I think is saying something. The fact that they can script hate like this is just amazing. What a fun job that would be. Giving the most hateful lines you can think of to a 50 year old Asian mother with matching comebacks to the 20 year old asshole. If you've never seen the show, do watch it. It deserves your love.

Shell and I went down to the Congress Bridge today to see the bats. We arrived an hour before dusk just to be safe. We sat there until 9:30. Nothing happened. They were just swirling around beneath the bridge. Don't get me wrong. I loved the rare opportunity to taunt them with such phrases as "Fuck you, bat bitch." and "That bridge is not going to fly out from under itself." I even tried the slow clap Bat Chant to coax them out from their Bat Bridge hiding place. Needless to say, the Bat Fuckers wanted no part of my Bat Chant. I made the observation that perhaps this was a sign of the apocalypse. That, and I am currently reading Good Omens. This book has taught me that if Atlantis rises and Brazil inverts itself, we are in trouble. And now the bats aren't flying out from the under the bridge. Where's Aziraphale when you need him?

UPDATE: There is a guy who looks like a half-black and half-white Drew Layton on this episode. Dave Grohl is talking about musical themes (other than the Power Chords theme) like he knows what he is talking about. I enjoy a good laugh.

I played the Darkness demo. It was fun for about three minutes. I ate a couple of men's hearts with my arms made of darkness. I summoned a comical demon to aid me in my death-dealing. However, the story was just really boring. A mob boss double crosses the main character, ends up killing him, and THE DARKNESS BRINGS HIM BACKOOOOOOOOH! The Darkness imbues him with delicious powers, blah blah blah. Plus, the main character's name is Jackie Estacado. I don't know why, but that name pisses me off. I was also surprised at how poor the graphics were. It looked like a PS2 title. Also, part of the game is that your Darkness suit feeds off of, BOING, darkness. So you have to shoot out all the lights to regenerate your powers. However, you need light to see. Playing the game blind or playing without cool powers? Hrm.

The Ladies

Tell it, Tycho.

I'm not sure why I do this exactly, create female avatars, other than to say that when given the opportunity I want to see something in a game I haven't seen before. It's possible that it's some unreconstructed Whedonism that makes me do it: maybe this shouldn't be, but it's just better when it's a girl kicking the ass. The kicks are more frequent, and the damage to the ass more more enduring.

For John

Fire Pro Wrestling Gets Proper Import

I seem to remember that you just imported this game. It would appear that the entire country of Japan has personally pwned you. You can also thank SCEA, something which I will be doing when I pick up the game in Engrish.

Also:

Heavenly Sword Demo

Seeing as how I'm obsessed with all things PS3, particularly when they involve sexy redheaded ninjas, I was all over the Heavenly Sword demo as soon as it hit the network. Let me just say that it is awesome. For one, they brought back the QTE. I'm not sure which game made this really popular, but the one I always remember is the Die Hard arcade game. You'd be running down a hall and have to press a button very quickly when it flashed on screen. If you hit it correctly, instead of getting hit in the face with a fire extinguisher, you'd slide down to your knees to avoid it and shoot the guy in the dick. Purely hypothetical situation, but you get the picture.

So they brought that system to Heavenly Sword. First level, you've got to run down a series of large ropes. You have to hammer on X for a while. If you don't do it fast enough/long enough, you slip off the ropes. Then, when the enemies start to cut the ropes, you have to jump onto adjacent ropes with another quick button press. Screw that up, and you plummet four-thousand feet to your death. It seems rather rudimentary, but it helps to break up the monotony of the button mashing combat.

I say button mashing combat solely because I haven't learned any of the combos, of which there are many, even in the demo. They reward you for doing combos with Superstyle moves. These allow you to, say, jump onto a guy's chest and break his neck with your knees. Another allows you to swing a guy around by his legs. Of course, performing these moves, along with well-timed counterattacks, gives you a sweet little cinematic to watch. Totally cool.

The game looks beautiful even on my shit TV and plays great. I wasn't totally excited about the game before, but now I can totally see myself buying it the day it comes out in September.

EDIT: SHENMUE! Shenmue had the QTE system. I can't believe I forgot about that one.

MGS4 Gameplay

Last night, or rather, early this morning, Konami and Kojima Productions held their Metal Gear 20th Anniversary party. There were several big announcements, as well as about a 15-minute demo of MGS4 gameplay. Holy. Shit.

Even if you don't consider yourself a fan of videogames, check this out. At the very least, it will give you an idea as to what they're able to accomplish these days. The sheer volume of stuff they allow you do to and witness is absolutely mind-boggling.

Rock Band

Word on the street is that Amazon and Gamestop are both offering pre-orders on Rock Band, which allows us to see the first hint as to the cost of this true behemoth of entertainment when it's released on November 20th. Looks like the bundle including the game, drum set, microphone, and one wireless guitar will run for $199.99. This is about a $60 savings over buying each piece separately. Of course, retailers often release these figures just to drum up pre-order sales, so the price is subject to change, but the $200 price tag can't be far off. This is right around what I expected, and I'm glad that it won't be any higher. I'm already poor enough as it is.

Roger Ebert and Videogames

To anyone following gaming news, you've no doubt heard of Roger Ebert and Clyve Barker's friendly feud over gaming being considered art. Ebert says no, Barker says yes. And so the story goes. One of the gentleman over at Kotaku posted his own response on the site, and I think he hit it right on the head. Anyway, that's all for now. Check it out if you care.

Pokémon, The Almost, The Smashing Pumpkins

So I've (obviously) never really gotten into Pokémon. I mean, there was a brief period in middle school where I had to, ahem, "catch 'em all" just like everyone else. But they were a Pog to me, a Beanie Babie, a passing fad. Not to say that I was into Beanie Babies for any amount of time, but my sister was. I think it's safe to say they were a fad, no? For those of you who follow Penny Arcade, as every flag-loving American rightly should (You communist. . . .), you know that Gabriel is quite the aficionado. He even goes the spreadsheet route, keeping track of numerical figures for each of his creatures, performing complex math to determine optimal match-ups. Have I beaten Shenmue (40 hours of playable time) in a single weekend? Yes. I am no stranger to "hardcore gaming". But this sounds ridiculous even to me.

Nevertheless, the esteemed artist of the aforementioned webcomic has an interesting post up chronicling his recent trip to a local Pokétournament. I especially enjoyed his chat with a little girl, probably around 10, also participating in this tournament of kid-nerd-glory.

It was actually really cool to see how much these kids love Pokemon. I've been so into it recently that I think I'd forgotten I should be having fun. With my pages of hand written math and charts of carefully plotted out EV training regiments I actually felt sort of dirty. These little kids were showing me teams comprised not of statistically optimal Pokemon but of their favorites. A little girl talked to me for five minutes about why she loved Kyogre so much. When she asked why I used Rotom I couldn't bring myself to tell her that his ghost/electric type meant he had a lot of immunities while giving him some surprising moves that should allow me to cripple sweepers with status effects but still fight off any Dark types I encounter. "I think he's cute." I explained. She smiled and nodded as though this was the reason she had expected to hear.

I would also like to take the time to do a bit of community service in the form of a brief, informal review of the new Smashing Pumpkins album. What can be said about this latest effort that hasn't already been said about a pile of two week old fecal matter? Number one, it stinks. Number two, it's old. Number three, it's a huge pile of crap. If you were to sprinkle said crap pile with a bit of anti-government sentiment, Billy Corgan's trademark voice and style (redeeming the album at rare times), and Jimmy Carpenters always impressive drumming, you would still be left with a crap pile. But, of course, that crap pile would have tiny specks of gold on it. Or something. What does anti-government sentiment look like when crushed into a powder and sprinkled?

I would also like to conclude with a discussion of what I am currently listening to -and- enjoying. The Almost, with all instruments and vocals (aside from a guest appearance on track 4 by Jeremy Enigk of Sunny Day Real Estate, the oft-thought originator of the "emo" genre, as well as The Fire Theft, both excellent bands . . . He also has a side solo project worth checking out.) performed by my musical idol, the drummer and vocalist from Underoath. If you've ever heard Underoath, one of my favorite bands though doubtfully any of yours due to its screaming and hardcore roots, you'd notice not only his impressive kit work but also the fact that his voice is absolutely incredible (he isn't the screamer, he's the singer), made more so by the fact that he sings as he plays. Having seen him live, I can honestly say its a religious experience. With regard to The Almost, there are good and bad tracks. Track 1, Say This Sooner, and the aforementioned Track 4, I Mostly Copy Other People, are definitely the highpoints. Track 3 is terrible. Just don't. The rest is serviceable, but I think at times it is painfully obvious, evidenced by the generic melodies and really bland overall feeling to it, that his skills are in vocals and drums, not in guitar, bass, melody making. Shelley commented that it reminded her a lot of the stuff we used to listen to in high school. Taking Back Sunday, Saves the Day, Brand New. I have no doubt that's why I like the majority of it.

I've also found myself entangled with Architecture in Helsinki's album Fingers Crossed as well as Paramore's two albums, All We Know is Falling and the absolutely incredible must-have (for any lovers of female vocalists and/or indie-pop-rock-emo) Riot!. With regard to Paramore and Riot!, this band totally took me by surprise like no band has done since Copeland or Eisley. I can't seem to get enough. I'm also currently enjoying some Boyz II Men, particularly the ballad entitled "End of the Road", sparked by my unquenchable love for Making the Band 4. I've also been infected by Shop Boyz' "Party Like a Rockstar". Get off me.

Also, in gaming AND music news, apparently there is a rapper named Random who has fashioned an album entitled Mega Ran, which uses old-school Mega Man music as the base for his rhymes. I haven't heard it, or even know where to find it, but rest assured, I will.

Babies and the Wii

CoD4 Interview Impressions

IGN currently has this amazing interview up with the Military Adviser for Call of Duty 4, the latest installment in Infinity Ward's popular franchise. They talk a little about what the man does, how he influences the making of the game, realism, etc. I found the following passage particularly interesting. The interviewer asks the gentleman how he feels about portions of his combat experience, a very serious affair no doubt involving the death and suffering of real soldiers and comrades, being portrayed as entertainment in a videogame.

That's a good point. A lot of WWII veterans say, "I hate videogames, they shouldn't be glorifying what we did." My response to them, after I looked at the earlier CoD games and saw how close the developers had got it to being accurate, I said, "You don't understand sir, this is exactly what we need because it's teaching by indirect approach what your generation had to go through." There's kids out there today who would have known nothing about WWII and are now extremely interested, are doing the reading. They come up to me and say, "I studied that battle, I made my parents take me there when I went to Europe to see where it actually happened." We are basically opening a door of interest to somebody who would never normally be interested.

He goes on to say the following:

In a way, even though it's a game, it opens that window to see what somebody else is doing today for real. And maybe somebody will have an appreciation when the soldier gets off the plane from his time in Iraq, and instead of getting spit on like the guys did during Vietnam, he gets a "Thank You" from the guy at the airport.

The entire interview is definitely worth the read, if you have the time and the inclination.

PSP Thoughts

Loss and possession. Death and life are one.
There falls no shadow where there shines no sun.
-- Hilaire Belloc

It's an interesting feeling being able to access your PS3's hard drive from anywhere there's internet access using your PSP. Whatever music, photos, videos I have stored on the PS3, I simply hook up to the interweb, sign in to the Playstation Network, and due to some brief registration processes completed by hooking your PSP up to your PS3 through USB cable, the PSN recognizes which PS3 you're connecting to. What you see on your PSP is exactly what you would see on your PS3. The same interface, except smaller of course. Technology is amazing.

I am hoping that down the line, Sony will allow you to use your PSP much as the Dreamcast VCUs (I think that's what they were called.) were used for selecting plays in Madden or whatever, giving little dialog displays at certain points. In my dream I envision it connecting through Bluetooth, though I supposed through USB would work as well. There was talk of using the PSP in a similar fashion for the F1 racing game released this past March. It was said they were toying with the idea of using the PSP as some sort of rearview mirror. That idea fell through. I think there's also been talk of doing something similar in Gran Turismo 5. I think it might be a strange thing to look down at your PSP to see out your rearview, but then again, who really looks at the rearview when it's up at the top of screen? I know I sure don't.

Perhaps they could get it to function similarly to the second screen on the DS, especially if Sony decides to go crazy and implement some sort of touch-screen/stylus pad functionality. Of course, in September when the first re-design is released, all we'll be getting is a slimmer and lighter model with TV output capability. But maybe in the future, the PSP will function similarly to the iPhone. Touch screen, telephone, maps, plus all of the gaming, music, video, and downloadable content capabilities of the current PSP.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

It's interesting to look at this supposed PSP redesign. The entire community seems to be in an uproar because, really, this redesign isn't much of a redesign. They just made the thing smaller. There are so many things I can list right now to make the system better, and I don't spend all of my day on this as I assume people at Sony do.

• Move the analog stick somehow so that your hand doesn't cramp up when you play for longer than 20 minutes. It seems like if you were to simply move it up to where the D-pad currently is, that would help alleviate a lot of the problem. This is definitely the largest complaint I've heard by far.
• Touch screen/stylus functionality. I can't stress enough how awesome a touchscreen would be. Not a necessary addition for gameplay (though it could be great for rhythm/music games if done correctly), but it would be great for menu selections.
  
• Move the power switch. I, for one, have turned the system off accidentally simply because the way you're forced to hold the system, the switch is right where the butt of your hand is. You slide your hand up and *poof* bye-bye game/movie/music/whatever.
• You can always improve battery life. Give me 20 hours of life like I get out of my iPod.
• Allow me to charge the PSP simply by connecting it to the PS3 through the USB cable.
• Give me an on-board hard-drive instead of forcing me to carry around forty memory sticks. This would also allow me to better store PSN games on the PSP, especially if they start to release sizeable games nearing the 1GB or 2GB mark.
  
• Throw on a microphone for voice input.
• Take the microphone one step further and throw on phone functionality.
• A digital camera. Yes, we have a USB attachment that mounts on top. Why not include it?
  

Of course, the GameBoy went through a dozen different iterations over its lifecycle. It's to be expected that the PSP will undergo the same transformations. I think the outcry really centers around disappointment that Sony has this magnificent platform with which to push some boundaries and elicit some WOWs. The potential is there. Potential that I don't believe the DS has currently, which is obviously the PSP's largest competitor. It's a great system, but solely because of its simplicity, innovative inclusion of the stylus functionality, and library of games. The PSP could harness a completely different market. More hardcore gamers who want their MP3 player, their phone, their digital camera, their gaming system all in one bundle. Would I drop $600 bucks on an iPhone? No. Would I drop $600 bucks on an iPhone that plays games and allows me to access my PS3's hard drive anywhere? Absolutely.

I have wandered all of my life, and I have also traveled.
The difference between the two being this:
That we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.
-- Hilaire Belloc

Dynasty Warriors: Gundam

Otherwise known as REPETITION: THE GAME, this sorry excuse for entertainment should never have been created, let alone loaded into your disc drive. Luckily, I was only briefly infected by the demo. I got about halfway through the first level and immediately deleted it from the PS3. If you want a good laugh, go ahead and try it. The demo's free. Might as well.

The Latest

So I'm sitting here watching The Hills Have Eyes 2, and when I'm not too busy asking myself why I've chosen to watch this movie, I'm attempting to be scared. Most of the time my face simply rolls up into this grotesque grimace. Whether caused by the terrible acting, ridiculous story, horrendously mutated humanoid creatures, or the most disturbing birth scene I've ever witnessed, I can't quite tell at this juncture. I can't say that any of them are helping much.

I've decided to take this opportunity to jot down a few reviews of some things I've seen/played/read recently. I'm going to write these things as if someone cares enough to read them and attempt to have some fun in the process. After all, what else is better to do while one of the world's most fantastically awful "horror" movies plays in the background?


SUPER STARDUST HD
One might expect a ten dollar title taken off the PlayStation Network (PSN) to provide an hour or two of enjoyment at best. That was surely what I had expected, despite the rave reviews on all manner of sites that specialize in those sorts of things. I was wrong. This game has, in all of its simplicity, justified my PS3 purchase. Fast-paced, easy-to-learn but extremely difficult-to-master, beautifully rendered. If you own a PS3 and don't own Super Stardust, do yourself a favor. In a nutshell, you are a tiny ship entrusted with the protection of a planet from all manner of asteroids and deadly alien ships. It's a modern update of the classic game Asteroids or Galaga, but at the same time, it's so much more.

FINAL FANTASY I on PSP
An absolutely wonderful update. The graphics have never looked better, and when coupled with the same mechanics of all of the past titles we've grown up with, we get all we could ask for. A simple but effective story. The next installment gets here in a week and a half, and I can't wait.


**UPDATE**
One of the mutants just lifted one of the soldiers up by his own arm, the arm he was currently using to cling to a rather sharp cliff face, chopped it off with a rusty machete, then waved goodbye to him with it as the man fell from a cliff to his untimely end. Need I say any goddamn more? I would say that if you were to take a copy of this film and melt it down, you could fashion a most spectacular bracelet. What I'm saying is that this movie is pure gold. Keep up with me, if you can. Oops, that same arm was just used as a comic projectile, aimed at a pair of the man's unsuspecting comrades. For the mutant's trouble, he had his eye poked out and was clubbed to death with a rock. Now a mutant resembling Charlie Brown is sniffing blindly through the dark. I'm pretty sure this is what nightmares are made of. Comical nightmares. Ooh, and there's a friendly mutant! He wants to help! He reminds me of the retarded brother from There's Something About Mary.


THE PAINTED VEIL
Starring Edward Norton and Naomi Watts, an incredibly beautiful movie. The acting is superb, the setting (1920s or 1930s China) is colorfully radiant, and the story is a different kind of love story. Totally unexpected. See it.

TRANSFORMERS
Absolutely unbelievable. When I first heard Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime, I had a religious experience. While I was hoping Hot Rod or perhaps Rodimus Prime would make an appearance, I wouldn't say that this necessarily ruined the experience for me. Really, I just wanted someone to say, "If you want to ride, Daniel, ride in style!" Can't wait for the sequel.

HARRY POTTER and the ORDER OF PHOENIX
I have to say that this is one of my least favorite movies so far. That's not to say that I haven't enjoyed it. Indeed, I've seen it three times since it hit theaters. But it seemed to be a bit lacking on the fun and action that previous movies had. Maybe I'm just bitter that there wasn't any quidditch this time around, but it seemed like we only got one wizard fight in this movie. While awesome, I seem to remember a broader segment of action in all previous movies. Meaning, it was evenly spaced throughout the entire movie. I heard somewhere that this was the shortest of the movies but the longest of the books. Maybe that's where the problem lies.


**UPDATE**
Watch this movie, but be warned. The head monster is killed by massaging his brain, which was exposed previously by a well-placed gunshot to the skull. I don't get it either.