The Latest

So I'm sitting here watching The Hills Have Eyes 2, and when I'm not too busy asking myself why I've chosen to watch this movie, I'm attempting to be scared. Most of the time my face simply rolls up into this grotesque grimace. Whether caused by the terrible acting, ridiculous story, horrendously mutated humanoid creatures, or the most disturbing birth scene I've ever witnessed, I can't quite tell at this juncture. I can't say that any of them are helping much.

I've decided to take this opportunity to jot down a few reviews of some things I've seen/played/read recently. I'm going to write these things as if someone cares enough to read them and attempt to have some fun in the process. After all, what else is better to do while one of the world's most fantastically awful "horror" movies plays in the background?


SUPER STARDUST HD
One might expect a ten dollar title taken off the PlayStation Network (PSN) to provide an hour or two of enjoyment at best. That was surely what I had expected, despite the rave reviews on all manner of sites that specialize in those sorts of things. I was wrong. This game has, in all of its simplicity, justified my PS3 purchase. Fast-paced, easy-to-learn but extremely difficult-to-master, beautifully rendered. If you own a PS3 and don't own Super Stardust, do yourself a favor. In a nutshell, you are a tiny ship entrusted with the protection of a planet from all manner of asteroids and deadly alien ships. It's a modern update of the classic game Asteroids or Galaga, but at the same time, it's so much more.

FINAL FANTASY I on PSP
An absolutely wonderful update. The graphics have never looked better, and when coupled with the same mechanics of all of the past titles we've grown up with, we get all we could ask for. A simple but effective story. The next installment gets here in a week and a half, and I can't wait.


**UPDATE**
One of the mutants just lifted one of the soldiers up by his own arm, the arm he was currently using to cling to a rather sharp cliff face, chopped it off with a rusty machete, then waved goodbye to him with it as the man fell from a cliff to his untimely end. Need I say any goddamn more? I would say that if you were to take a copy of this film and melt it down, you could fashion a most spectacular bracelet. What I'm saying is that this movie is pure gold. Keep up with me, if you can. Oops, that same arm was just used as a comic projectile, aimed at a pair of the man's unsuspecting comrades. For the mutant's trouble, he had his eye poked out and was clubbed to death with a rock. Now a mutant resembling Charlie Brown is sniffing blindly through the dark. I'm pretty sure this is what nightmares are made of. Comical nightmares. Ooh, and there's a friendly mutant! He wants to help! He reminds me of the retarded brother from There's Something About Mary.


THE PAINTED VEIL
Starring Edward Norton and Naomi Watts, an incredibly beautiful movie. The acting is superb, the setting (1920s or 1930s China) is colorfully radiant, and the story is a different kind of love story. Totally unexpected. See it.

TRANSFORMERS
Absolutely unbelievable. When I first heard Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime, I had a religious experience. While I was hoping Hot Rod or perhaps Rodimus Prime would make an appearance, I wouldn't say that this necessarily ruined the experience for me. Really, I just wanted someone to say, "If you want to ride, Daniel, ride in style!" Can't wait for the sequel.

HARRY POTTER and the ORDER OF PHOENIX
I have to say that this is one of my least favorite movies so far. That's not to say that I haven't enjoyed it. Indeed, I've seen it three times since it hit theaters. But it seemed to be a bit lacking on the fun and action that previous movies had. Maybe I'm just bitter that there wasn't any quidditch this time around, but it seemed like we only got one wizard fight in this movie. While awesome, I seem to remember a broader segment of action in all previous movies. Meaning, it was evenly spaced throughout the entire movie. I heard somewhere that this was the shortest of the movies but the longest of the books. Maybe that's where the problem lies.


**UPDATE**
Watch this movie, but be warned. The head monster is killed by massaging his brain, which was exposed previously by a well-placed gunshot to the skull. I don't get it either.